I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
