My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
im on a boat
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