Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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