Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
