the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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