Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize