my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
