the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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