well I can't set my house on fire every night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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