Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
