How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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