You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
