Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
