just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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