Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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