does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
