Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
