So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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