i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
