Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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