He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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