So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
