I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
