I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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