im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
