I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
