i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she looked like the before picture.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
