There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
