Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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