I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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