I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
