Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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