If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He? As in you personified your dick?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
