do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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