ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
