We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
