i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
