so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
