I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
