In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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