watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
