This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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