I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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