o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
