he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
BRING THE BAGELS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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