Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
In America we eat man semen.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
