he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
