Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
