Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
