It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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