she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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