The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize