we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They are going to name an STD after you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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