Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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