What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My liver just had a heart attack.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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