Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want her autograph on my taint
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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