Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want to stick my p in your. b.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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