it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just had sex on a roof
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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