I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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