I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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