Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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