afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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