Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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