you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
