Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
