butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
