I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
