dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
