**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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