I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
