You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well you can't waste a boner
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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