ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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