So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
