I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
