listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My cat gives me a boner
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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