It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
