In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
