I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
