dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
