You smell like a Billy Joel song
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
