Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
