theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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