What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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