that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
