You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
