it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
