I can tuck mytits in my pants
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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