i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
