I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
