Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
