dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
