Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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