I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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