dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
