You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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