Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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